It’s been a hot quick minute...

I’m back friends ❤️ Let me first say how sorry/sad I am that I haven’t posted in awhile. I wanted to. I planned to. I didn’t...

To be perfectly honest, I didn’t have it in me.

2020... what can I say? It kicked my butt!! Between Covid and sheltering at home, protesting and riots, political nastiness and the media’s normal tactic of pushing a narrative using any sensational angle they can get away with, I was just exhausted. In my body, my heart and my soul, I felt torn and conflicted, battered and bruised, devastated for my children and the world they are inheriting from us. I know I’m not the only one who felt that way, and it does help to know that I’m not alone. To be really honest, when my FB memories over the last year pop up, I’ll most likely quickly scroll past and pretend it didn’t happen! Lol

2020 was also a roller coaster ride for my family. In 2019, after much prayer and counsel, my husband and I decided to move our five remaining kids in the house, ourselves, our cat, and all our belongings down to Queen Creek Arizona. We did this for a lot of reasons, but mainly it was for my health and for our family to be the family we once were before my injury. Our plan was to just get acclimated, get our house together, get the kids started school and find a church the first six months we were here. We were in survival mode. We had big plans to really start embracing Arizona after the new year. What optimistic fools we were 😳 Instead we stayed at home, my husband going to and from work and the rest of us sheltering in place for months at a time. I remember so distinctly one day looking out at my little six-year-old who was sitting in the sun with his chin down and his face sad. It broke my heart 🥺 Their world was upended and try as I might, and despite our awesome pool and other outdoor activities, our kids seemed to be wilting. They had met some good friends here but we haven’t had a chance to really dig into church and become involved. Back home in Washington, church was our major activity. It’s where our people were and where we felt comfortable, loved, and protected. We served joyfully beside our chosen family and spent many hours per week within the walls of that church. While we like the new church we’re going to here, it just doesn’t feel like what we came from and what I have been used you for the last 30 years. There really is no way to duplicate that experience, it was one of a kind. I’ll admit, it got me in a funk that I remained in for way too long.

Towards the end of 2020, I’d say the last couple of months before the election, we had some serious turmoil in our family. Our oldest son had made the choice to move with us in 2019. I know it was a hard choice for him and he was not happy about it. He wanted to stay with his friends and I get that! Over the course of 2020, it became incredibly clear he was unhappy living in Arizona. Of course, as a mom, that broke my heart and I wanted to try to “fix” it for him. Unfortunately, the more I tried, the more he pushed away. I won’t lie, it became difficult to live with someone who was so unhappy and sadly, I became the main focus of anger and resentment. I tolerated way more than I should have because I felt guilty that my/our choice was making our child so unhappy. This was before the protests and politics. Once that came into play.... really, I don’t know if I can remember during that time having a pleasant non confrontational conversation with him. Everything was a cause for a fight. I can remember clearly, when I was young, my political leanings were quite opposite from my parents!! I, of course, thought they were idiots and I knew everything, and they sat silently by with an obnoxious sense of “she’s young, she’ll learn” attitude. Boy were they right! Lol As a parent, I have always tried to allow my children the freedom to be who they are and believe what they choose. Guys, it’s hard! No joke, “parenting” an adult child is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Sitting back, watching as they make missteps, and not jumping in to save them is hard. Having them talk to you like you know nothing and them letting you know, clearly, your opinions/morals/values don’t matter to them, is HARD! Letting them leave, or in my case, forcefully inviting them to leave, is hard. It’s all so hard. I’ve never wanted my kids to be carbon copies of myself but I did hope a little something would rub off. I’m sure it did but they’ll be damned if they will admit it. 😉

We became a family of 6, literally overnight, and we are still trying to adjust and feeling like something/someone is missing. This situation did nothing to help my funk and I will cop to at least 1 day of serious day drinking and crying fat hot tears. My heart was scarred and I know it will take time to heal. I’m not a patient person and part of me pictures God continually shaking his head at my impatience and saying “ok let’s try this again” 😬 I miss my child and the relationship we had long ago. I want badly to forge a new adult relationship with him but somehow, it’s not working and probably getting worse with each encounter. So I sit here wanting SO badly to reach out but knowing the next steps are not mine to take, BRUTAL friends, just brutal.

Now 2020 was not all bad! As we settled into our house and into our community, I began to flourish once again as a wife and a mother. I was able to do simple things that I took for granted and probably even complained about before. Now I gladly do them and I’m grateful for the simplest of things. Who knew how much I would miss doing laundry and dishes?? We love Arizona! Each time Brian and I checked in with each other with the “do you regret it” question, our answers are always the same... not for 1 minute!! ☺️ We absolutely love it here and we can’t wait to dive in fully as things start to open and people poke their heads out to see the sun. Unfortunately, we are going to have to wait at least a couple weeks😬

That’s right question!! We got the dreaded ‘rona as my six-year-old would say. Two weeks ago we were able to all go back to Washington and visit our family and friends for the first time. It was awesome!! I cannot describe how amazing it was to see and talk to and hug our people for the first time in 18 months. I was terrified about how my body would react, knowing I would not have my creature comfort‘s that make life livable for me on a daily basis. I was so pleased that I was able to do everything that I wanted to do, and that my health did not slow me down. We stayed at our good friends house that they generously offered and spent time with them and other “framily” spending our days talking non stop and loving the face to face interaction we have so dearly been missing. Our daughter who is 13, got baptized at the church she was dedicated at, With our family and church family, (which I really should just say family because they are family),surrounding her and us with love. It was simply what my soul needed.

After we had been home for a couple days we got a call from a friend saying that they had tested positive for Covid. Our response was simply that we knew the risks we were taking and that exposure would be an inevitability for us. We weren’t shocked though we certainly weren’t excited. Now I don’t know exactly where we got it, and to be honest, it doesn’t really matter to us. We weren’t angry or upset in any way. Our main concern was for my husband’s parents and his aunt. All 3 are vaccinated and though we are choosing not to get the vaccine, for many reasons I will share, we were thankful there wasn’t a huge concern they would get it. I know everybody has a different opinion, a different way of hand handling this Covid virus, and I will happily respect yours as I expect mine to be respected. About six months in, once my kids started going back to school, we decided that we were no longer going to live our lives in fear of a virus that is 98% survivable. It just didn’t make sense for us and after prayer we stepped out in faith beginning to live our lives again slowly but surely. That being said, we knew that being exposed to Covid was only a matter of time. In fact, we had already been pretty exposed and did not catch it the first time. We weren’t naïve about what would happen If we were to get it, we didn’t think we were invincible and wouldn’t get it, we just decided we were going to trust our bodies to do their job and protect us. Now before you get all up in arms, we did still wear masks and do still wear masks when we go out in public, not for our sense of safety by any means, but for others to feel comfortable. To us... Covid happens. It is a virus that can make you very sick, and no one knows for sure how their body will handle it. Many have died directly or indirectly as a result of this virus, but the vast majority, 98%, get sick and get over it. While we don’t feel like going clubbing tonight, we aren’t laying in bed completely miserable either. We are tired and achy and watching my breathing and oxygen but we are ok. We will be ok and this too will pass. We have faith, not that we won’t/wouldn’t get it, but that regardless, our lives are, and always have been, in God’s hands, we trust in that, or at least we try to. So the Minihans are down for a bit but definitely not out. We are resting and taking vitamins and supplements and watching Netflix, and of course, this girl is BAAACK and feisty as ever 😉😘

Nicole 🥰